By Kaitlyn Affuso
When the thought passes that life can’t get any worse, or that I am at my lowest, everything seems to get worse and then, there comes another fall.
There are much worse things than three-hundred miles separating two people in love, but it seems to be a dominant conflict breaking me down.
What is worse is doubt filling the mind on only one side of a relationship, while the other lies clueless.
Not all bad things in life are mistakes. Not all negative feelings are wrong. Sometimes change is needed. There comes a time where you have to find yourself. I have found that making mistakes leads me to be stronger, or take the next step in life.
We are too young to let people, or anything else, control us. (No, I am not implying an overthrow of the government, or breaking laws.) You have to set your goals and go out to accomplish them. Breaking through the conflicts along the way is hard enough, let alone dragging someone behind you.
Often times, I find myself in plain misery wondering if I have made the right decisions in my life so far; this only seems to hold me back. I am getting the feeling that there are times in a young life when ‘flying solo’ is not a bad thing at all. I imagine that it will allow me to focus on myself, what I want, and what I need to do to get to where I want to be.
A common phrase is saying to ‘never let go.’ But why? So, we do not have to be alone and handle situations solo? That has always been a fear of mine: being alone. But, as time passes, I think that that may be what I need.
Letting go can create strength, and I feel as if I have grown weaker over time. I think strength is needed to really see who you are, what you want to do, and where you want to end up. You cannot focus on yourself in the mirror when you are not standing alone. Everything else pulls your attention.
Let go, look in the mirror, and look at yourself.
It seems that hesitation and fear are what draw a person off track. One may have the instinct that they need to separate themself from certain ties in order to figure out all that they want, but the unknown consequences scare them away from that break. They do not know if they will end up regretting leaving that person, or if they will ever be back together. Life can go in any direction, and more often than not, I feel like I do not have control over it.
Then what? We go on living in wonder. We may forever wonder of what could have been, where we would be, what differences could have become from us taking a chance and making a change.
Stepping away from familiarity into the unknown is dangerous, but so much can come out of it. Whether it is good or bad, a lesson will be learned from it. We learn from mistakes. So, how do we learn, if we do not make any?
Ever have the feeling that you have so much to say, but cannot find the words? Maybe you have so many thoughts, but you cannot match them together to make one piece, one complete thought. That inability to articulate emotions is fear. That inability is the curiosity, wonder, hesitation, and fear wrapping around your thoughts.
Often times, in relationships, a dominant conflict is trust. I have found myself saying that I trust him; I just do not trust everyone else.
Very recently, I have found that to be false. It’s not everyone else I don’t trust, it is just me. I do not trust myself because I do not know who I am, what I want, where I want to go. I need to let go and relocate.
So, if you are feeling lost, look in the mirror. Look as deep in yourself as you possibly can and don’t let anything or anyone stand beside you. What do you see? Do you know who are? If not, relocate.
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